not dead yet.I've been in this funk lately, been feeling stressed out. Some of it was justified; admittedly though, most of it was shameless self pity. Relaxing there on my throne in stall #2, reading the words of inspiration, or really words of fact, everything slowly started to shift back into focus. My perspective has been off.
On top of that, my boss came in later in the day yesterday to inform me that a colleague had kicked the bucket the previous evening. Relatively healthy young guy. 39. Two daughters, 5 and 8 years old. He was out for a run and his heart just stopped ticking. Bam. Dead. Just like that. As sad as that is for his family and friends, the fog cleared instantly - everything snapped instantly into focus.
Then I got out on the bike last night to do some sprints with Monkey and Faticus. Still not feeling fast, not feeling the snap. But it was good to be out with friends, riding, talking shit. And afterwards we hit up my favorite dining establishment in New Ark. The long wait for a table meant that we were all drinking a beer on an empty, just-finished-riding stomach, and the I-love-you-man feeling started to roll into the back of my head.
Gaining some perspective on life from Faticus and Wheelie Ted made me feel better too, and enough can't be said about not only the value of good friends, but good friends with experience on which you can draw.
I've always wanted to live the life less ordinary. At times, my life seems so textbook that I start to panic and a dreadful fear of a wasted life washes over me. Then again, how many 24 year old douchebags like me get to trot around the globe, genuinely enjoying the job they've fallen into? How many choose to ride and race their bikes instead of sleeping in to 10 after a night of drinking? In a lot of ways I'm doing what I have to do to get the college debt monkey off my back, but I'd have that monkey even if I wasn't having fun.
I had my staple meal at HG: the mezze platter and the falafel, and two beers - one Belgian and one American. I was not too full, not too drunk, just right. Content.
Tonight I'm going to see Interpol with Tough Cookie and Mr. Bronze. Some good eating ahead of time. And I'm going to pick up my new carbon bling. Life is good.
Plus we met McLovin last night.